Well, Valentine’s Day is here again. It’s the most polarizing holiday of the year, don’t you think? Some people really love it, some people hate it, and yeah, there’s some people in the middle who don’t care, but whatever. It’s a holiday designed for couples to declare their love to the world, for jewelers, card companies and chocolatiers to have their highest sales. I’m spending this Valentine’s Day with my hubby and my kids. It ‘s fine, really, but while couples are going out out to drop a fortune on prix fixe meals, we’re going to my kids’ school for a science fair. (religious day schools of a certain persuasion don’t do the Saint Valentine thing).
So, if you couldn’t go out with your Honey on Valentine’s Day, here are 10 things to say to make it up to him:
- Honey, let’s watch a game on the massive sports cable package I got you. Oh, the football season is over? That’s okay, we can watch last year’s season in reruns. Here, I even ironed your jersey.
- You farted? No, don’t apologize. I can’t smell a thing.
- No, I’m not looking at the GPS on my phone. I trust you know where you’re going. A few minutes late is no biggie. I’m pretty sure the invitation said 7:30, not 7:00. (Okay, this does drive me crazy. Does your husband know every “short” cut in town that seems to take twenty additional minutes with the added bonus of car sickness thanks to all the turns and loop-de-loops. Why do men do this? I have no idea. Maybe they do: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/201005/why-men-dont-ask-directions-self-analysis
- And speaking of cars… I traded in the minivan for a two seater sports car! Our kids are totally old enough to take the bus alone.
- You were right yelling at that dude. He should’ve noticed your leg sticking out of the booth. Can I get you another beer?
- It’s okay. My parents will understand you had plans with your friends. You go out to the sports bar. I’ll host the dinner.
- Flowers? On Valentine’s Day? Don’t be silly. They jack up the price. All I want is a kiss.
- Do you need me to hit the bank to get you some singles for your guys’ weekend in Vegas?
- You want me on my knees? I’d love to. Just toss me a pillow.
- You’re going on a business trip on my birthday? For two weeks? Hmm, no problem, just order me one of these : Adam and Eve vibrators.* before you go. Remember to email me some hot pix of you, so I can be <ahem> inspired.
*This post was brought to you by the lovely folks at Adam and Eve.